mary heart in a martha world

how many of us have read the story of mary and martha when jesus visited their house? it's classic! martha wanted to house to be perfect! she was so involved in her preperations! they were so important! no wonder she was upset with mary (her sister) when all she was doing was sitting on the floor, probably that martha was trying to clean. what martha didn't get was that the preparations she was making didn't really matter in the end: jesus was in HER house! all she needed to do was sit and his feet and listen....mary got it.

everytime i have read that story it comes makes me think of other people. certain people, sometimes, who are in my life. but i need to think of this for myself. how much time do i waste by making preparations, for anything, when all i need to be doing is sitting at the feet of jesus? at the end of the day, my preparations make no difference -- what matters is how much time i spend at his feet. and until i get myself there, my "preparations" will just fog my world.

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:41-42

well, i'm waiting to hear back from the doctor to see what's going on. in the meantime, we had new carpet installed! it looks FABULOUS!!!! i'll get a picture of it maybe tonight. i wanted to do the rest of the house in hardwood but it was going to cost $10,200 for it.....needless to say, Robert didn't go for that!!!

anyway - this is going to be short. i've gotta hit the road.

so i had a check-up at the doctor today...wasn't pretty. they told some things that i did not want to hear. i had tests done and won't get the final results until thursday, but my doctor is 99% sure of what's going on.

while all this isn't life-threatening or as bad as some people have it, it's bad enough for me and robert. and while i'm trying so hard not to take the "victim" role, i can't help but think that i've gone through enough up to this point! am i going to ever be able to have smooth waters for any length of time? it seems like if someone isn't dying, someone is being held up at gunpoint or if that's not happening, someone is having medical issues. there is just always something. and i know that everyone has their own issues they go through. i'm not trying to have a pity party for myself. it's just that this news today really threw me for a loop and is trying its best to discourage me right now. i know, also, that god is in control of everything. as the author of life he knows mine from beginning to end and back again -- but sometimes its just so hard to have faith.

lord, i want to believe. help me in my unbelief.

house demolition

robert brought these home for me today...



























in other news, our hopes of remodeling our master bathroom have been thrown out the window. we came home today to our front bathrooms toilet leaking...it's not only leaking, though. it has caused the carpet in our bedroom to be soaked with water. there is not only water there; oh no! there's mold as well!! both robert and i are allergic to mold (thus my migraine on thursday!!!) so we have no choice but to recarpet. there are 2 good things in this: 1) our tax refund comes on friday. (excellent timing, god!!!!! thanks!) and 2) we get new carpet! our carpet isn't really the best. so the empire today people are coming to the house tomorrow so we can chat and see how much this is going to set us back. if its not too expensive, we are going to re-floor the whole house: hardwood in the living room/dining room/kitchen/hallway/bar/entry way and carpet in the 3 bedrooms. as for the front bathroom, we are going to replace the toilet and retile. yes, this is going to cost some cash....but hey --- it's the life of a homeowner! (happy day....)

anyway, here are some pictures of our mold-infested floors!

lord, make me an instrument of your peace
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
lord, grant that i may seek to comfort
rather than be comforted.
to understand rather than to be understood.
to love than to be loved.
for it is in giving that we receive.
by forgiving that we are forgiven.
and by dying that we awaken to eternal life.
- st. francis of assisi

"sing and make music..."

so this weekend....




many things happened this weekend. it was our music retreat weekend at our corps. it was music sunday. nicole came into town and stayed with us. sarah and jeff came into town and stayed with us. it was so awesome having all of them here. i want my house to be one that is always open to anyone and i want people to feel comfortable here. if you know my mom, you know how her house was known as "hotel senft"...well, i want our house to be exactly like that. so it was so nice to have people here this weekend. (even though we weren't home much when you were here, nicole. sorry!!!)

the music retreat weekend was really really good. granted, i LOATHE getting up early in the morning, especially on saturdays. but this weekend was really good. musically we were able to get a lot accomplished. but col krommenhoek did a fabulous devotional last night as well.

sarah and jeff had business here. having taken everything that happened over the weekend, the highlight for me was praying with them on saturday afternoon. there's something about praying with the ones you love....sarah and jeff: it was an honor. thank you for that opportunity.

after everything was over, amber and ava came over to the house for aunt jill and uncle robert to babysit for a while. i love being with them!!! they crack me up!!!

and would someone please inform atlanta that spring is here?? it's frickin' freezing here!!!!

well, off to something else. all in all it was a fabulous weekend!!!
hasta lasagna

apology...accepted? denied?

having to apologize is by far one of the hardest things anyone has to do. the build up takes so much energy. gathering the courage to approach the person you have wronged and tell them so is absolutely overwhelming. but once you've done it, and everything seems to be okay, life somehow takes on a different hue.

for you, if you read this, thank you for tonight. it meant a lot to me that you were gracious enough to accept my apology and i hope that we can move forward from here in a way that leads to friendship.

tonight, i will sleep soundly!!!

..migraines...

so i'm in bed with the first migraine i've had in months. i obviously didn't go to work. its hard enough to look at this screen, much less get out and drive....anyone else ever feel like this??? i think someone should invent a product like this one on the right....it would make life so much easier sometimes....i'd pay top dollar!!!!! ( and by the way, i did not sleep soundly)

SUNFLOWERS!!!!!!

when i went to moldova in the summer of 2003, i got this love for sunflowers.
they are so cheery and pretty, yet simple.

i found these (and a few others that i can't download to a post - must be too big) when i was looking for some stuff in the office today. the painting is my one of my favorite van gogh paintings: "sunflowers". i have it framed in my dining room.

anyway, enjoy!

random collection of thoughts for this morning

cold weather - pretty orchids.

do you ever feel like you have a lot of stuff to say but nowhere to start?! that's pretty much where i am right now. lots going on....no place to get into it.

sarah and jeff are coming to town this weekend. i am so excited to see them! it's been way too long. but this weekend is also music weekend at temple and i have to play "wife of the bandmaster" and go to dinner with the krommenhoeks on friday AND on sunday. i guess it's not that bad....i'd just rather spend the time with sarah.

so apparently its spring now. no one told atlanta.

work is good. i love working for young life. its so nice to finally have a job where people respect what i do. plus i'm learning a lot -- mostly in the financial arena, which, if you know me you know how not suited for that i am! but its really encouraging when the guy who is training me says, "hey, snelson, you're really good at this! have you thought about going to school to be an accountant?" (and he was being serious!) too funny.....

i cancelled my appointment with the orthodontist. we've got bigger fish to fry than me getting braces right now. (more on that later...) so i guess i'll have to deal with my crooked teeth. but hey, they add character!!!!!!

so, i'm totally addicted to cheez-its at work now. i have those and a diet coke everyday, all day. how bad is that?! not a good idea in the fight to lose weight for sarahs wedding. but i just can't help myself...it's that darn lack of self-control....

well, i guess that's it for now. have a fabulous day.

memories....

i was looking through pictures of our wedding tonight and came across this one. i don't really remember it being taken but it shows my favorite part of my dress: the train. it also shows my aunt karen who was with me the entire day - didn't leave my side. and i was so excited to have jim lane give me away.

but in front of me is my husband, waiting for me to meet him!!! it really was a perfect day! when i look back, there isn't anything i would change. that is such an awesome feeling! now i just need to get my butt in gear and get my photo album done -- i just need to find the funds for that....

and here's a question for ya: what do i do with my dress now? i'm thinking that i want to make part of it into a dedication gown for my kids. how hard would that be? or is there a better option out there? i love this dress and want to do something special with it...any ideas???

hammock season

so it's getting to be my favorite time of the year: HAMMOCK SEASON!!! we went to aunt emma's 90th birthday party at the corps today. we got home around 2 and it was so nice, i went to lay in the hammock we got on our honeymoon. (it's nice: lime green and yellow handmade south american hammock!!!!!) anyway, i laid down at 2 and woke up at 5:10. it was so nice out....i loved it!!!!!

moving on....we are currently working on a new home-improvement project: remodeling our master bathroom. i am really excited about this prospect. and no, we are not going to use pros to help. we don't have that kind of money. but we do have friends who know how to do this, so that's where we are going to start. i can't wait to redo our bathroom: it's so small! if we take the tub out and put a stand up shower in, it will open the room up so much! new tiles on the floor and wall will help so much....everything in this house is original to it, so that makes it all about 30 years old. not very pretty. but the thing that really surprises me is that robert is actually going for it! i thought he'd just throw my suggestion out the window, but he liked it! he thought it was a good idea!!! WOO HOOOO!!! i'm so excited -- soon we'll have a new bathroom!!!!!

Flashback from high school days:

you're my honey-bun, sugarplum,
pumpi-umpi-umpkin
you're my sweetie pie;
you're my cuppie-cake, gumdrop,
schnuckum-schnuckum,
you're the apple of my eye!

Lesley - you just made my day!!!!!!!

so we had a bit of an eventful day yesterday. we had a pregnancy scare...turns out i'm not. but going through all that and going through the severe disappointment/devestation really solidified in me just how much i do want a baby. and yes, i know, it will happen one day. (blah blah blah) but the desire to be a mother and to have my own child just gets deeper and deeper as the months go by. we'll see when it actually happens......

i guess that's what led me to this new skin. well, that and my new obsession of playing around with whole blog thing. but more than the awesome picture of the baby (which one day i will change to by my baby) was the words "simple innocence." it struck me. literally jumped off the screen and hit me in the face. simple innocence. isn't that how we should live? our lives are so full of chaos and stress, whether made for us or of our own making. but however it's generated, it's there. and until we can get back to child-like innocence, our lives seem too much to handle sometimes. i want so badly to be in a place where i can live in simple innocence. where i can be free to enjoy life without having to worry about the big (or little) things.

anyway - more on this later. i have work to do.

so i've got an appointment with the ORTHODONTIST on march 27....yes, i did say the braces doctor!!!!! i've been thinking about getting them again for a while. i had them back in 6th grade but never wore my retainer...therefore my teeth are back to where they were. well, not quite as bad as they were, but almost! anyway, i've got a consult with the dr on the 27th...we'll see how it goes. i'm NOT going to get the bracket kind...if i do this, invisaline is what i'm going with. that's what i'm going to talk to him about -- to see if that will work. then i'll get the permanent retainer so i don't have to go through this again.

just the thought of getting braces again is kinda scary --- welcome back to junior high! but it's all in the name of beauty! (whatever....)

just can't let it go

i just cant' let this go. i know that i'm the only one who cares anymore, as i have said. but i just can't let this go. i'm not happy with how things are - i'm not happy with my husband being in so much pain. why can't i just let this go?????

not quite arbitrary musings

so this past week has been one HUGE learning experience in my marriage. we came upon a situation that, in my opinion, begged for trouble. it really started almost a year ago, but this week it just popped up again out of no where. i've been having trouble with this situation, personally, because it has caused me to feel like i can't trust someone who is essentially my family. i love this person very much. and although we don't talk very often and don't see each other a lot, i have always thought of this person as family. those of you who know me, know how i feel about my family: there is nothing more important to me than my family. so here i am, trying to figure out a way for all of us to be friends that can all trust each other. but, as robert said, we aren't going to be able to do that until this person and i have a face-to-face conversation with each other and talk it out completely. i hate how things are right now. we are not friends and i have had to ask for no communication between us and this person until both sides are ready to really talk this out. but how do you do that? how do you cut people out of your life? how do you ask friends to not talk?

this week has made me stop and think how marriage really changes everything. far beyond just living with someone and learning what kind of toothpaste they use and why they throw socks on the floor. your whole outlook has to change. you can't relate to people the same way you once did. and all your relationships have to be re-evaluated. this may seem extreme...but without boundaries, scary things can happen. everything begins innocently, doesn't it? but i have to protect my marriage. i have to be a good steward of what god intrusted to me. and if i don't trust someone, i have to act on that.

i want desperately for this to be different. i want to be able to sit down and talk, really talk, with this person. i want them to know my heart on this. i want for us to be able to put this behind us and walk a new path of friendship -- a trusted, loving, and open friendship between all 3 of us.

for now, the ball is out of my court. i feel like i've gone back and forth between so many different feelings for so long that i'm probably the only one who even cares anymore. i know there are so many other more important things going on in all of our lives, but i just can't be satisfied with this how it's been left. am i completely mental????

Beautiful Day!

so robert is out of town...he went to florida with asburys sasf band. happy day. so since he's out of town, i spent the day with my goddaughters and best friend. i had my pictures taken with amber and ava...they turned out so well!!! i can't wait to get them...when i do, i'll scan them in so everyone can see my beautiful girls!!

being with amber and ava always makes my desire to have children stronger. even when ava throws up on me like she did last week (and for those of you who know me and know my phobia of throwing up, you'll appreciate the hugeness of that statement!) but then i also look at pictures like these:


...and can only imagine how wonderful robert will be as a dad. i can't wait to see him with his own child. you'd think that jonah was his child the way he talks about him and plays with him. i just can't wait to see him with his own baby, rocking him/her or playing with him/her. beyond wanting children, i want that image to become reality. i want my husband to be the father of my children.

anyway....

i finally got some curtains for our bedroom today. up to this point i've had a lime green crushed velour blanket up as our curtains. (nice mental image, huh?!) we haven't been able to decide on anything we both like, so i just decided to take matters into my own hands. now we have really pretty red/wine curtains hanging. finally something normal!!!

today, i also succumbed to a personal urge that some call an obsession: i got my hair cut again. and it's pretty different. it will take some getting used to, but so far i like it.

i'm ready for my husband to come home. i don't like it when we are apart. it's not so much that i have to be with him...more of a i want to be with him. he makes my life so wonderful...when he's not around, i'm not quite complete. sappy? yes. i know.

alright, i'm out for now. maybe i'll add some more later. we'll see. i know you'll be waiting with baited breath....

Trying new things

okay, so i have never put any "thoughts" down on this thing. i've not been one for publishing stuff like that up to this point. was burned by that in the past...although, that turned out to be a good thing in the end. anyway...i think it would be profitable for me to just jot a few things down every once in a while. i'm not sure how many people actually look at my page, but who knows? it could be fun.

for those of you who do look at my page, i have recently updated the skin (obviously - thank you sarah) but now the whole comments link doesn't work. any thoughts???

i've come to the realization that marriage is way better than i expected it to be before i got married. (does that make sense?!) this week, we had the biggest conflict we've had in our relationship so far. it was huge. it wasn't a fight...we just had to work something out that we hadn't before. and while it was hard (especially for me, the emotional one) it showed me just how strong our marriage can be. yes, it takes work. and yes, it's a daily choice. but how incredible that we actually choose each other every day. it amazes me when i stop to think about it. we've been married almost 6 months now. the time has flown by so fast. i feel like we have learned so much, but at the same time still have so much to learn. but how awesome that we get ot do that together! i never thought that i would have the marriage that i do right now. i never thought that i would get a husband who is godly, loving, sensitive, and fair. my prayers have been answered way beyond my wildest dreams in robert. anyway, i'm so happy in my marriage. i guess that's my point.

i have a sad announcment: it's kinda late, yes, but still valid. annie is no longer a part of the snelson household. i miss her quite a bit. but robert had a really hard time with her. and i understand that. she was more than a handful. we even put her in puppy classes which were guaranteed to work....they didn't. so we had to give her back. i tell you: i have no luck with the canine breed. i guess fred will have to do...no offense to him.

but i'm at work so i'll go for now. but look for more in the future. this seems to be theraputic, if nothing else...

[4 hour time lapse]

so i couldn't stand not having the comments thing working right. i finally figured the stupid thing out! and all on my own! WOO HOOOOO!!! i'll pat myself on the back....

Aunt Jill & the girls

Ava showing off her naked self










Erin brought the girls over last week. Amber wanted to "ekersize" to a pilates DVD...so we did!