modern medicine amazes me.

we have been having infertility issues the past year and a bit. obviously! last week we were referred to a reproductive endocronologist. for those of you who don't know what that is, it's the "head hauncho" of infertiltiy. they are the ones who do In Vitro Fertilization. so last week we went to see dr. slayden at reproductive biology associates in lawrenceville. we went with anxious minds and hearts - waiting to hear what exactly was wrong with us and why we aren't able to get - and stay - pregnant. today we went back for our test results and lab work stuff. and we got answers. and while i won't go into the specifics so as to not completely bore you, the bottom line is that we are (here it is!) infertile! but the amazing part is that we are also able to get pregnant!!! well, we are going to undergo treatment to have a baby. and here is where the modern medicine completely blows me away!

first let me say that i will NEVER do IVF. it is fine for some people, but for me and robert, it is unethical and un-moral. (how you like that word, ryan!?) but that said, we do have options. and this month we will begin those options. medications and procedures will hopefully allow us to carry a baby full-term and bring him/her into this world fully healthy!

so on to infertility treatments. here we go....

we just got home from a weekend away. we went to winshape retreat at berry college for a marriage enrichment weekend. it was AWESOME! the grounds are beautiful and quiet. there's a wildlife refuge there so there are deer, geese, turkeys, horses, etc there. it was so nice!! the rooms were gorgeous, too! no tvs, phones, or computers anywhere!

we spent the weekend really connecting with each other, which was so nice. we had a lot of time to just sit and talk and be with each other. it was so relaxing and restful. the sessions were good. they really provided a good opportunity and springboard for discussion and real open conversation. it was very nice to really TALK to my husband.

alright. i'm done being mushy. except to say that if you ever get the opportunity to go there, DO IT!!!

like an idiot, i completely forgot my camera. so once i get pictures emailed to me, i'll post them.

...more on baby stuff later.

the only good thing about robert's recent trip:

Robert comes home tonight! i am so excited!!! i always hate it when he's gone, but this week has been especially bad. like i said earlier, it's been an extremely emotional, stressful week. and it doesn't help that he's out of town. i did alright through the week. work was good and mom was able to stay with me. then friday came and april and i hung out and stayed up talking until midnight. that was fun. i woke up at 7:30 the next morning in anakin's bed then came home and went to sleep in my own bed! woke up at 4:00pm. yeah, needed the sleep! then i went out with erin and another friend. it was nice to just have some down time. when erin and i got back to her house, since i was crashing there, we stayed up until 5:00am just talking and laughing, having ourselves a marvelous time! i havent' stayed up that late since high school!!! but it was so nice friday and saturday to just be able to talk adult conversation and be myself.

this weekend is our marriage enrichment weekend with the corps. i am so looking forward to that. it'll be so nice to leave some stuff behind at home and be able to focus on just me and robert. no phones. no computer. no tv. no nothing! (how's that for good grammar!) i'm very excited about it!

when we come home we have our first appointment with our reproductive endocronologist. i am very nervous about this appointment. it will tell us which direction we are definitely going: infertility treatment or adoption. right now it's looking like adoption. i'm hoping and praying that the RE will have something up his sleeve that we haven't heard or read about.

it's so hard for me b/c people tell me that i am obsessed with this whole "baby thing". that i need to just relax and move on. but what people don't realize is that while it's very easy to just say "oh, relax", the bottom line is that we are facing the very real possibility that we will never be able to have our own children. at first that possiblity seemed so unreal. but now it is literally staring us in the face. basically, our RE appointment is a 2nd opinion to my ob/gyn's findings.

at this point i feel so alone. no one (except maybe my sister-in-law - but even her situation was different) understands what i am going through. no one understands how incredible difficult this is for me and how badly my heart is breaking. all people see is what comes across as an "obsession" with having a baby. but people don't go to my doctor's appointments and hear my doctor's words to me. people don't understand that this is probably the most difficult thing that i have had to deal with up to this point in my life.

so there you go. there's my update. i'm trying my best to still praise the lord in my trials. i am trying so hard to give up my "isaac". i want so badly to be able to trust in his plan for my life. but right now, everything seems so dismal and dark...and hopeless.

this past week has been extremely stressful. my car had to go in b/c of a national recall, which is free to repair, but i end up paying $760.00 for repairs that i didnt' know i needed. isn't that always how it is with dealerships/shops. then, robert is out of town, so that is always stressful. robert's parents are doing well, but his mom has medical junk going on so we have to deal with that. and on top of all this, we have gotten even more bad news on the infertility front. so my life this week has been one emotional, stressful, completely exhausting one.

anyone have any money for a body massage?!

Went to our first game of the season today!! It was SOOOOO COLD!! I had 2 pairs of tights, 1 pair of socks, jeans, 2 long sleeve shirts, 1 short sleeve shirt, 2 scarves, leather jacket, 2 pairs of gloves, an ear warmer thing, a hat, and 4 blankets. But it was SOOO worth it!! We won: 5-3!!!!

Mom and I took the kids to the zoo yesterday. Other than being cold, it was so much fun! Here are a few pictures from our day! Enjoy!!

this was my day today!!! easter egg hunt with the kids. and scooby is jalynne and anakin's new dog. i'll post pictures of him later....

i love my job. i am growing to love the kids. they are such good kids! i love that i am able to teach them so many things. i love that they respond to me the way they do. i love that anakin will come downstairs in the morning and sit in my lap and cuddle with me for 20 minutes while he's waking up. i love that anakin can tell me the letters A, B, C, and D and words that begin with those letters. i love that jalynne will ask me to do her hair for school. i love that jalynne said to me today, "jill, jesus lives in my heart!" i love my job.

maybe someday soon i'll have this with my own kids, too...

okay people -- what do you think? is this me?!

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. INFP creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic favored careers: poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker disfavored careers: business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker

I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!! Go to this site! Apparently there's a man who is pregnant.....

http://www.malepregnancy.com/

Thanks to Erin for this one!!!!

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Alright all you dog lovers out there! You know who you are! Erin and I have decided to sell the brain child we created over the weekend! I give you PoochPads!!!

Check it out! Tell your friends!!!

a couple of weeks ago, oscar decided to completely destroy his bed. instead of paying a buttload of money for a new one, i decided to make one for him instead. with serious help from erin, here is the end result:


and what's really cool is that he likes it!

Today's Pollen Count: 2,597

POLLEN COUNT
0-30 Low
31-60 Moderate
61-120 High
Over 120 Extremely High

This is the amount of pollen particles measured within the last 24 hours in a cubic meter of air.
Major Pollens Present: oak, birch, sweet gum, sycamore, birch, willow

Allergy Tip: If you are allergic, keep car windows and sunroofs closed during your commute. Your nose will appreciate it.

* * * *

Anyone else see an issue with this?!?

(Taken from Atlanta Pollen )

Click this and take my test...

Jill's Test

Painting with Jalynne & Anakin

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

in other news, i am on new fertility medication and it's making me feel funny. it says it can make you dizzy. i'm not really dizzy, just disoriented. but i don't like it. hopefully have to keep going with it for long. anyone have experience with this??

here are Jalynne & Anakin --



this is anakin singing "i'm bringing home a baby bumblebee." he gets a bit confused!

doctors appointment tomorrow. nervous. scared. anxious.

okay. so here we go...

this week we got some really painful news. it turns out that robert and i are not able to get (and stay) pregnant on our own. we had some testing done last week and the results were not good. they did, however, make the miscarriage that i had in september make sense. (and on that note, my doctor says that i have probably miscarried more that i know. if that's the case, i'm glad i don't know.) anyway, the test results indicate that our chances of conceiving a healthy, viable pregnancy on our own are very slim to none. which means that if we want a baby, we have 2 choices: 1) adoption and 2) infertility treatments.

at this point, we are looking into treatments. they are quite expensive and taxing emotionally. we have another appointment on monday to talk about our "plan of action" from this point on.

i don't know quite how i feel about all this yet. i'm still trying to get my head around the fact that we're not going to be able to get pregnant without medical help. it's quite a blow to my system. once i get a better feel for how i feel and what i'm thinking, i'll post more. until then, i'm struggling...