finally - FINALLY! - i'm feeling better!!! i'm still not to 100% but i'm definitely better. this 2nd antibiotic is wonderful! it makes me a bit dizzy, but that's better than the horrid-ness i've been feeling. at least i'm able to do more with abby!!! it doesn't hurt to hold her anymore -- it is a little tender, but not pain. (YAY!) i haven't had a fever since last night. i did wake up at 2:30 with my sheets and blankets absolutely soaked, but i went to bed with a 99.1 fever. nothing in comparison to what i have been having!

so anyway, funny story: last night i was feeling a little better and went to change abby's diaper b/c she had pooped. well, i had forgotten that she hadn't pooped in 3 days. (i've been sick this whole time, remember!) so when i went to open the diaper, i had never seen anything like it! it was up her back, all down her legs, up her front...just nasty! i immeadiately thought: it's time for a bath!!! so i went to take her shirt off as mom filled up her bath tub and proceeded to get it all in her hair. there was just no way around it! i felt so badly for abigail, but after 3 days of no poops, she was feeling MUCH better! :-)

i'm feeling better than i expected about not being able to nurse abigail anymore. it's extremely disappointing, but life throws us crap like that all the time, right? well, since i was feeling a bit better and we now need formula and bottles that are bigger than 3 oz for abigail, robert and i went to target. it was a quick trip which i was thankful for because i started feeling dizzy. i called abby's pediatrician this morning to talk about which formula would be okay for her. what i thought she was tolerating well, she actually wasn't once it came down to having that more than once a day. so i got the recommendation (which was the one i was thinking anyway!!!) and off we go. we get there and 1 can of this stuff is $26!!!!! are you freakin' kidding me?!? and what sucks is that you can't get it at sams or costco. but her digestive system is just not ready for "just anything"...so 26 bucks a can it is. then, on to bottles. i took forever looking for what i thought was best and finally decided on a certain kind that i have NEVER liked but abby seems to do alright on. when we were in our childbirth classes, we won a gift pack with this particular bottle and i thought: "i'll never use this." lo and behold, here i am now buying 9 of these bottles. at 14 bucks a pack, that's $42 for 9 bottles. so $42 for bottles and + $25 for formula....of course my mind goes to: "why won't my body just work?!?!?!?! this is INSANE!" this doesn't really help my getting over not being able to feed my child myself, but what are you gonna do? she has to eat and if her pedi says she can only have a certain kind for now, well, that's it. i then made the mistake of looking at the ingredients. i'm totally floored by the amount of "bad stuff" in it....i know, i know: formula isn't going to hurt her. but there's just so much JUNK in there! and i don't see how it's good for her! but again: just gotta get over that one.

alright. done with my rampage. this may be a harder transition for me than her...