Christina, your cake was amazing!!!!
Monday, May 29, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
so i'm starting to get into the whole gardening thing. i really want to design a whole garden for my backyard. i'm talking about the whole kit and caboodle: wall, birdbath and/or fountain, pretty flowers, nice shrubs, etc. yes, it could get to be expensive. but it could be really fun to play around with.
we'll see how this goes....
we'll see how this goes....
Monday, May 22, 2006
I GOT MY NEW IPOD TODAY!!!!!!
it's an iPod mini...and the coolest part of it? IT'S GREEN!!!!!!!!
so as i was thinking about the first song to play, i wanted it to be something meaningful. i am, after all, a sentimental person. so what was it? "big man"...thanks Phil!
...after that it was only appropriate to listen to "i want a hippopotamus for christmas"...
Love, Love, Love!!!
it's an iPod mini...and the coolest part of it? IT'S GREEN!!!!!!!!
so as i was thinking about the first song to play, i wanted it to be something meaningful. i am, after all, a sentimental person. so what was it? "big man"...thanks Phil!
...after that it was only appropriate to listen to "i want a hippopotamus for christmas"...
Love, Love, Love!!!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No areperfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problemonly If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is aproblem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No areperfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problemonly If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is aproblem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
those of you who know me know just how much this song means to me!!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
this widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
my father fell in love with her, and soon they too were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life,
now my daughter was my mother, cause she was my father's wife.
to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad,
and so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
for if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run,
and he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son.
my wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,
because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too.
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild,
and every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild,
cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
as husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
Oh, I'm my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa.
it sounds funny I know but it really is so,
oh, I'm my own grandpa
* * * * * * * * * * *
seriously, how can you beat that?!?!?!!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
this widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
my father fell in love with her, and soon they too were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life,
now my daughter was my mother, cause she was my father's wife.
to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad,
and so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
for if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run,
and he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son.
my wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,
because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too.
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild,
and every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild,
cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
as husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
Oh, I'm my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa.
it sounds funny I know but it really is so,
oh, I'm my own grandpa
* * * * * * * * * * *
seriously, how can you beat that?!?!?!!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Your senior year in High School is supposed to be "the best year of your life." Let's see how much you remember:
Year: 1999-2000
1.Who was your best friend? Sarah Jewett
2. What sport/s did you play? I participated as little as possible in everything
3. What kind of car did you drive? Gray Oldsmobile
4. It's Friday night, where were you? at home
5. Were you a party animal? refer to question 2
6.Were you in the "In Crowd"? again, refer to question 2
7. Ever skip school? heck yeah! And skipped classes at school, with sarah, in the principals secretary's office
8. Ever smoke? no
9. Were you a nerd? I wouldn't say nerd..i'd say outcast
10. Ever expelled/suspended? No.
11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? not in a million years
12. Who was your favorite teacher? enlow by far
13. Favorite class? French
14. What was your school's full name? Arlington Christian School
15. School mascot? eagle? (is that right?)
16. Did you go to Prom? nope - went to Godspell rehearsal instead. Still don't regret it either
17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? refer to question 11.
18. What do you remember most about graduation? sarah singing…and ross's 3-hour speech
19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? last day
20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? that would have meant that I was somebody at school…which wasn't the case with the minor exception of winning the state solo competition.
21. Did you have a job your senior year? sorta...does childcare count?
22. Who did you date? no one
23. Where did you go most often for lunch? cafeteria. i wasn't cool enough to eat outside.
24. Have you gained weight since then? I lost about 30lbs directly after when my brother was killed but have since gained it back and more
25. Did other people? No. they were all on straight paths to anorexia.
26. What did you do after graduation? Directly? Went home. That summer? Moved to Texas with Keith and Lori Miller to keep the kids
Year: 1999-2000
1.Who was your best friend? Sarah Jewett
2. What sport/s did you play? I participated as little as possible in everything
3. What kind of car did you drive? Gray Oldsmobile
4. It's Friday night, where were you? at home
5. Were you a party animal? refer to question 2
6.Were you in the "In Crowd"? again, refer to question 2
7. Ever skip school? heck yeah! And skipped classes at school, with sarah, in the principals secretary's office
8. Ever smoke? no
9. Were you a nerd? I wouldn't say nerd..i'd say outcast
10. Ever expelled/suspended? No.
11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? not in a million years
12. Who was your favorite teacher? enlow by far
13. Favorite class? French
14. What was your school's full name? Arlington Christian School
15. School mascot? eagle? (is that right?)
16. Did you go to Prom? nope - went to Godspell rehearsal instead. Still don't regret it either
17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? refer to question 11.
18. What do you remember most about graduation? sarah singing…and ross's 3-hour speech
19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? last day
20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? that would have meant that I was somebody at school…which wasn't the case with the minor exception of winning the state solo competition.
21. Did you have a job your senior year? sorta...does childcare count?
22. Who did you date? no one
23. Where did you go most often for lunch? cafeteria. i wasn't cool enough to eat outside.
24. Have you gained weight since then? I lost about 30lbs directly after when my brother was killed but have since gained it back and more
25. Did other people? No. they were all on straight paths to anorexia.
26. What did you do after graduation? Directly? Went home. That summer? Moved to Texas with Keith and Lori Miller to keep the kids
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
identity.
i've been alone in my office all day today. 2 co-workers have come and gone in a matter of 30 minutes, but other than that, i've been here alone. it's good and bad, really. i get a lot done when no one is here, usually. but ironically enough what i have to do today i need some help on. so that will have to wait until tomorrow. this "lack of work" allows me time to go through and catch up on some blog reading. and so here i go....
when i first started this site, its sole purpose was to post pictures for our family to see. then i got started writing stupid stuff that just came into my head. i made a pact with myself not to put intensely personal details on this site. mainly because the people who need to know my personal, intimate details will find out directly from my mouth, with my voice, and more than likely in person whenever possible.
but as i read through some people's sites i've noticed more and more how deep some people are...or at least post. my mind takes me to 2 places with that: 1) they really are deep and are posting for themselves and 2) they are just trying to be someone they aren't and are posting to get the approval of fellow bloggers. now, it really doesn't matter which one of those scenarios anyone is, or if they fit into another scenario. it's their site and that's that.
but lately i've become challenged by the things that i am reading...whether really real or superficial. sure, i have thoughts that can be just as deep as the next person, but the fact that i don't post them for the world to see means nothing. however, i've started thinking about my own thoughts and where my heart is and such.
robert said something to me sunday night that hit me pretty hard. he was talking about my identity and where i find that. i was thinking about it and i got chills, to be perfectly honest. i talked to mom about it and she confirmed what i was thinking: my identity should not come from anything but jesus. anything else becomes an idol. whether it's a job, a spouse, a dream, whatever. our identity should not come from that. our identity should be rooted in christ. and if it isn't, what is it rooted in?
i've been thinking about that for a few days now. it's pretty scary when you take a real hard look that. or at least for me it has been. i don't want my identity in anything but jesus, but am i willing to invest what it takes to do it? which makes me think of a thousand other things paths my mind could go down.
when my brother was killed, psalm 13 was my "psalm of choice"...meaning it was the one scripture that i could identify with at that point in my life.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.
lately i have felt alone and forgotten. much like i did when brock died. but different, too. this time it isn't because of some major tragedy in my life. i'm am coming to believe that this time it is because i have forgotten. forgotten my identity and whos i am.
so now that i know what the problem is, am i willing to do my part in fixing the problem?
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." -- Phil. 4:4-7
i've been alone in my office all day today. 2 co-workers have come and gone in a matter of 30 minutes, but other than that, i've been here alone. it's good and bad, really. i get a lot done when no one is here, usually. but ironically enough what i have to do today i need some help on. so that will have to wait until tomorrow. this "lack of work" allows me time to go through and catch up on some blog reading. and so here i go....
when i first started this site, its sole purpose was to post pictures for our family to see. then i got started writing stupid stuff that just came into my head. i made a pact with myself not to put intensely personal details on this site. mainly because the people who need to know my personal, intimate details will find out directly from my mouth, with my voice, and more than likely in person whenever possible.
but as i read through some people's sites i've noticed more and more how deep some people are...or at least post. my mind takes me to 2 places with that: 1) they really are deep and are posting for themselves and 2) they are just trying to be someone they aren't and are posting to get the approval of fellow bloggers. now, it really doesn't matter which one of those scenarios anyone is, or if they fit into another scenario. it's their site and that's that.
but lately i've become challenged by the things that i am reading...whether really real or superficial. sure, i have thoughts that can be just as deep as the next person, but the fact that i don't post them for the world to see means nothing. however, i've started thinking about my own thoughts and where my heart is and such.
robert said something to me sunday night that hit me pretty hard. he was talking about my identity and where i find that. i was thinking about it and i got chills, to be perfectly honest. i talked to mom about it and she confirmed what i was thinking: my identity should not come from anything but jesus. anything else becomes an idol. whether it's a job, a spouse, a dream, whatever. our identity should not come from that. our identity should be rooted in christ. and if it isn't, what is it rooted in?
i've been thinking about that for a few days now. it's pretty scary when you take a real hard look that. or at least for me it has been. i don't want my identity in anything but jesus, but am i willing to invest what it takes to do it? which makes me think of a thousand other things paths my mind could go down.
when my brother was killed, psalm 13 was my "psalm of choice"...meaning it was the one scripture that i could identify with at that point in my life.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.
lately i have felt alone and forgotten. much like i did when brock died. but different, too. this time it isn't because of some major tragedy in my life. i'm am coming to believe that this time it is because i have forgotten. forgotten my identity and whos i am.
so now that i know what the problem is, am i willing to do my part in fixing the problem?
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." -- Phil. 4:4-7
Monday, May 08, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
here are some pictures of me and the girls playing in the creek at camp a few weekends ago.
amber wanted to walk on the rocks across the water but was scared when we actually got to it...
JoJo needs a grandchild....
that water was so cold my feet were numb....but there's Ava just sitting there happy as a pig in slop. she SCREAMED when we took her out -- all she wanted to do was play in the creek!
amber wanted to walk on the rocks across the water but was scared when we actually got to it...
JoJo needs a grandchild....
that water was so cold my feet were numb....but there's Ava just sitting there happy as a pig in slop. she SCREAMED when we took her out -- all she wanted to do was play in the creek!
*has anyone ever noticed that i'm happiest when i'm with the girls?*
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
so i just got home from the Young Life Golf Classic 2006. basically a really upscale, fancy fundraiser for our area. bottom line: BIG DEAL! it was a good day --- other than checking people in, collecting their money (aka registration), i was a judge at the 17th hole to see if anyone got a hole-in-one. if they did, they won a brand new lexus. nice, huh?! incidently, no one won this year. bummer....
but on to the real deal: when i got in my car to go home, i got a call from one of my co-workers. she proceeded to say (brace yourself): "Great job, today, Snelson!" i couldn't believe it! i haven't received any encouraging words from her in a 'coons age! (relatively speaking.) so needless to say, i felt great about my job today. which was a strange feeling after feeling crap about it for so long....maybe things are starting to look up.
i also go burnt to a bloody crisp out there today. sunblock does jack.
but on to the real deal: when i got in my car to go home, i got a call from one of my co-workers. she proceeded to say (brace yourself): "Great job, today, Snelson!" i couldn't believe it! i haven't received any encouraging words from her in a 'coons age! (relatively speaking.) so needless to say, i felt great about my job today. which was a strange feeling after feeling crap about it for so long....maybe things are starting to look up.
i also go burnt to a bloody crisp out there today. sunblock does jack.
Friday, April 28, 2006
so check this out...
MIAMI (April 28) - British music producer Adam Kidron says that when he came up with the idea of a Spanish-language version of the U.S. national anthem, he saw it as an ode to the millions of immigrants seeking a better life.
**Listen to the Song**
''Would the French accept people singing the La Marseillaise in English as a sign of French patriotism? Of course not.'' -- Mark Krikorian, head of the Center for Immigration Studies",
''The meaning of the American dream is in that record: struggle, freedom, opportunity, everything they are trying to shut down on us.'' -- Hip-hop star Pitbull, a.k.a. Armando Perez"
Pro-immigration protests are planned around the country for Monday, and the record label is urging Hispanic radio stations nationwide to play the cut at 7 p.m. EDT Friday in a sign of solidarity. A remix to be released in June will contain several lines in English that condemn U.S. immigration laws. Among them: "These kids have no parents, cause all of these mean laws ... let's not start a war with all these hard workers, they can't help where they were born."
Bryanna Bevens of Hanford, Calif., who writes for the immigration-focused Web magazine Vdare.com, said the remix particularly upset her.
"It's very whiny. If you want to say all those things, by all means, put them on your poster board, but don't put them on the national anthem," she said.
Kidron, a U.S. resident for 16 years, maintains the changes are fitting. After all, he notes, American immigrants borrowed the melody of the "Star Spangled Banner" from an English drinking song.
"There's no attempt to usurp anything. The intent is to communicate," Kidron said. "I wanted to show my thanks to these people who buy my records and listen to the music we release and do the jobs I don't want to do."
Kidron said the song also will be featured on the album "Somos Americanos," which will sell for $10, with $1 going to the National Capital Immigration Coalition, a Washington group.
James Gardner, an associate director of the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History, said Americans have long enjoyed different interpretations of the Star Spangled Banner, including country or gospel arrangements.
"There are a number of renditions that people aren't happy with, but that's part of it - that it means enough for people to try to sing," he said.
Pitbull, whose real name is Armando Perez, said this country was built by immigrants, and "the meaning of the American dream is in that record: struggle, freedom, opportunity, everything they are trying to shut down on us."
Associated Press writer Suzette Laboy in Miami contributed to this report.
MIAMI (April 28) - British music producer Adam Kidron says that when he came up with the idea of a Spanish-language version of the U.S. national anthem, he saw it as an ode to the millions of immigrants seeking a better life.
**Listen to the Song**
''Would the French accept people singing the La Marseillaise in English as a sign of French patriotism? Of course not.'' -- Mark Krikorian, head of the Center for Immigration Studies",
''The meaning of the American dream is in that record: struggle, freedom, opportunity, everything they are trying to shut down on us.'' -- Hip-hop star Pitbull, a.k.a. Armando Perez"
Pro-immigration protests are planned around the country for Monday, and the record label is urging Hispanic radio stations nationwide to play the cut at 7 p.m. EDT Friday in a sign of solidarity. A remix to be released in June will contain several lines in English that condemn U.S. immigration laws. Among them: "These kids have no parents, cause all of these mean laws ... let's not start a war with all these hard workers, they can't help where they were born."
Bryanna Bevens of Hanford, Calif., who writes for the immigration-focused Web magazine Vdare.com, said the remix particularly upset her.
"It's very whiny. If you want to say all those things, by all means, put them on your poster board, but don't put them on the national anthem," she said.
Kidron, a U.S. resident for 16 years, maintains the changes are fitting. After all, he notes, American immigrants borrowed the melody of the "Star Spangled Banner" from an English drinking song.
"There's no attempt to usurp anything. The intent is to communicate," Kidron said. "I wanted to show my thanks to these people who buy my records and listen to the music we release and do the jobs I don't want to do."
Kidron said the song also will be featured on the album "Somos Americanos," which will sell for $10, with $1 going to the National Capital Immigration Coalition, a Washington group.
James Gardner, an associate director of the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History, said Americans have long enjoyed different interpretations of the Star Spangled Banner, including country or gospel arrangements.
"There are a number of renditions that people aren't happy with, but that's part of it - that it means enough for people to try to sing," he said.
Pitbull, whose real name is Armando Perez, said this country was built by immigrants, and "the meaning of the American dream is in that record: struggle, freedom, opportunity, everything they are trying to shut down on us."
Associated Press writer Suzette Laboy in Miami contributed to this report.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
alright, so here i am about to get real deep....maybe.
so you all know that work isn't quite what i'd like it to be. (to say the least.) it's been rough here for the past month and a half or so. i feel like i'm not given the room to do what i was hired to do. i feel like other people in this office who have been here much longer than me are stepping all over what my responsibilities are. and in some ways, that's sort of understandable: they've been here longer, they grew up in YL, they know the ropes. that being said, i've been here 5 months now. this is a SMALL office and i think i know what i'm doing by now. apparently other people here think differently.
anyway, moving on. today i got a call from my boss who proceeded to tell me that he and another co-worker of mine were "talking about me" the other night. the comment was made that if (and i quote) "snelson worked everyday like she has the past few days, our area would double in size. the problem is that we never know what she is going to be like from day to day. one day she's fine, the next day she's not." (end quote.) now, for those of you who know me, you know that i can be like that. however, when i am here at the office, i have made every effort to not be up-and-down. to be somewhat leveled out and calm, productive, non-emotional. yes, it's hard for me. but here's the thing: i don't feel like i can be myself here. and that's the bottom line...at least for right now. i feel like everything - EVERYTHING - i do is scrutinized to the bone and criticized without regard to me as a person. and frankly, i'm not too sure how i feel about that.
this is a christian organization. shouldn't we work with our co-workers as such? it seems like so much, if not all, of our energy is used up in making the kids, parents and donors (and let's not forget the committee!) of our area happy that we lose sight of the people who work in this office. believe me when i tell you that anything will be done to make these people happy. we literally have to bend over backwards and kiss our own butts if they want. and honestly, i understand that. these people are who we serve. these are the ones with the financial gifts that keep us going. so i understand completely how important it is to keep them happy. what bothers me is that as much as this office, collectively, wants to work as a team, we don't. everyone wants to be a "family" and yet we treat each other in a way that does not reflect that. and the "veteran" employees are the ones who get the benefit of the doubt. which means that i, being a newbie, am not given the freedom or opportunity to do what i was hired to do.
so what's the bottom line? it's evident that i don't want to be here. it's evident that this is much harder than it has to be. but question is this: what do i do about it?
last week in band we started working on phil's "i surrender". we sang it last night during practice. and as much as i want to be able to say that with full conviction, it gets harder and harder for me. this mess at work has gotten me so completely down that i don't feel good about myself anymore. about who i am. i'm not even "allowed" to be me at work. i feel it at home. i feel it with my relationship with robert. poor guy - he has become my human punching bag...on a daily basis. and that's not fair. i want so much to be able to sing these words and leave my stuff at the feet of Jesus, but i so often find myself picking it right back up again.
so here, as a reminder yet again:
i surrender my life to your blood
i surrender my name for your glory
i surrender my heart to your will
i surrender my dreams to the plans you have for me
thank you for showing me the emptiness of all i've held onto
i surrender it all
i surrender my everything to you
so you all know that work isn't quite what i'd like it to be. (to say the least.) it's been rough here for the past month and a half or so. i feel like i'm not given the room to do what i was hired to do. i feel like other people in this office who have been here much longer than me are stepping all over what my responsibilities are. and in some ways, that's sort of understandable: they've been here longer, they grew up in YL, they know the ropes. that being said, i've been here 5 months now. this is a SMALL office and i think i know what i'm doing by now. apparently other people here think differently.
anyway, moving on. today i got a call from my boss who proceeded to tell me that he and another co-worker of mine were "talking about me" the other night. the comment was made that if (and i quote) "snelson worked everyday like she has the past few days, our area would double in size. the problem is that we never know what she is going to be like from day to day. one day she's fine, the next day she's not." (end quote.) now, for those of you who know me, you know that i can be like that. however, when i am here at the office, i have made every effort to not be up-and-down. to be somewhat leveled out and calm, productive, non-emotional. yes, it's hard for me. but here's the thing: i don't feel like i can be myself here. and that's the bottom line...at least for right now. i feel like everything - EVERYTHING - i do is scrutinized to the bone and criticized without regard to me as a person. and frankly, i'm not too sure how i feel about that.
this is a christian organization. shouldn't we work with our co-workers as such? it seems like so much, if not all, of our energy is used up in making the kids, parents and donors (and let's not forget the committee!) of our area happy that we lose sight of the people who work in this office. believe me when i tell you that anything will be done to make these people happy. we literally have to bend over backwards and kiss our own butts if they want. and honestly, i understand that. these people are who we serve. these are the ones with the financial gifts that keep us going. so i understand completely how important it is to keep them happy. what bothers me is that as much as this office, collectively, wants to work as a team, we don't. everyone wants to be a "family" and yet we treat each other in a way that does not reflect that. and the "veteran" employees are the ones who get the benefit of the doubt. which means that i, being a newbie, am not given the freedom or opportunity to do what i was hired to do.
so what's the bottom line? it's evident that i don't want to be here. it's evident that this is much harder than it has to be. but question is this: what do i do about it?
last week in band we started working on phil's "i surrender". we sang it last night during practice. and as much as i want to be able to say that with full conviction, it gets harder and harder for me. this mess at work has gotten me so completely down that i don't feel good about myself anymore. about who i am. i'm not even "allowed" to be me at work. i feel it at home. i feel it with my relationship with robert. poor guy - he has become my human punching bag...on a daily basis. and that's not fair. i want so much to be able to sing these words and leave my stuff at the feet of Jesus, but i so often find myself picking it right back up again.
so here, as a reminder yet again:
i surrender my life to your blood
i surrender my name for your glory
i surrender my heart to your will
i surrender my dreams to the plans you have for me
thank you for showing me the emptiness of all i've held onto
i surrender it all
i surrender my everything to you
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